上個月的某一天,我和一名已婚的女性友人聊天。
話題聊著聊著…突然從卡內基變成在說她伴侶的不是。
我勸她,卡內基的課程裡有說到三不-不批評、不抱怨、不責備。
她反辯道:這不是抱怨,是陳述事實。
當時我不認同,但我並沒有繼續再持反對意見,畢竟爭辯這個話題可能反而會有反效果。
雖然也許可以讓友人從討厭伴侶的情緒中跳脫,不過反而變成在和我對抗,並且可能會認為我沒有站在她的立場思考,於是我就沒有再多說什麼了。
因為這樣,我開始思索,抱怨與陳述事實的關鍵不同處是什麼?
以個人想法執行這兩種事情時,我會怎麼做?
在陳述事實時,我會非常龜毛的希望能由各種角度來去描敘這件事情,並且盡可能的避免加入任何自己的對這件事的觀感及立場,因為這可能影響到聽者的判斷。
但在抱怨的時候,我會以得到聽者的同情及支持為主,為了避免讓自己的立場模糊不清,而只會談到我的立場及看法。
如此兩相比較之下,關鍵的不同處顯然是「主觀」與「客觀」的分別?
======
不過再轉過頭來想想我們台灣人的新聞,似乎…不太像是陳述事實呢……(遠目)
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